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Numbness

March 22, 2011

Last night as I rode on the shuttle to airport for my flight back to Indianapolis, I kept having this uneasy feeling.  Something didn’t feel right, and that was a prelude for things to come.  As I was waiting to board the plane, a woman a few feet in front of me dropped dead of a heart attack.  I had never witnessed death in the snap of a finger like that, and it really shook me up.   Not really sure what to do, I got off the plane and luckily my brother had just gotten into Vegas so I went to meet up with him for the night.   Now the road completely changes as I am staying in Sin City until sunday.  I got hooked up with a free suite at the Cosmopolitan for a couple nights, and my uncle arrives on Wednesday night, and I will be staying with him at the Bellagio until Sunday morning.  Sunday morning I make the twelve hour drive to Boulder with my brother (who is coming back to Vegas for a couple days later in the week).  I am supposed to be back in Bloomington right now, but I just couldn’t go back.  Call it a premonition if you will, but this just makes a lot more sense for me right now.  I am going to spend about a week out in Boulder and Denver trying to become acclimated to my future environment.  Hopefully I will return to Bloomington in two weeks rejuvinated and with a positive outlook on things to come.  Being in Bloomington for so long now, I feel as though I am an isolated island.  Its very hard for me to grasp the college mentality when I graduated three years ago.  Lately I have tried to find happiness in simple things, complex things, anything for that matter, but when you are winning money in las vegas, and are on spring break, and still not happy, that is a problem.  I still cannot figure out what defines happiness, but I sure as hell know that it has nothing to do with money.  The more money that I make, the more opportunities that arise, the lower I seem to sink.  Maybe happiness is just a myth, or some type of  figment of my imagination.  If running a successful business, and being in Las Vegas right now isn’t putting me in a good mood, something isn’t right.  I am beginning to wonder if that perfect balance that I seek will ever fall into place.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. Adam permalink
    March 22, 2011 4:30 am

    If you want to be happy, be. ~Leo Tolstoy

    Happiness has been created to be something that we think will eventually be achieved and when it is achieved that triggers our minds sometimes to think that it becomes permanent; like you have become permanently happy (or mostly happy i should say, realistically). The point being, self-evaluation is really hard and most people ignore it…The fact you take the time to improve yourself all the time is good and I do it too, probably too much because it can cause you to sometimes over analyze situations; though if you didn’t over analyze them you might not be looking into them enough so props to you there. We all have our high points and our low points but happiness to me is that middle level where things feel okay and life is going very smooth, we tend to question happiness more when there are certain things we’re missing that we try to ignore whether its a significant other, family, etc. You’re doing a lot for people and I’m sure are working very hard which has brought you to all of the places and values that you’ve created to be you. Therefore, take a look at who you are and what quality of person you believe you are, it should be something for you to appreciate it. Always step away from everything you’ve done and look at it and enjoy it for a moment. That’s all I’ve got to say in my rambling ideas 😛

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